The Octagon: 8 Times MMA Surprised Me

Waiting outside the doors of Casino NB on a very cold and snowy Saturday night, I felt out of my comfort zone. As the doors opened and I cleared security and made it past the door-people to the ballroom (they did NOT ask to see my ID, by the way), I felt wayyyyy out of my comfort zone. There it was at the centre of the front of the room: the focus of the event and the subject of my little adventure in challenging one of my judgements (of which we all have several, amiright?) The Octagon.

I felt like a fish out of water in that ballroom in Moncton. As you all know, I’m a runner not a fighter, and here I was about to lose my mixed martial arts virginity. I walked in there, took my seat, feeling awkward and shy, and even prepared for a little blood. The Elite1MMA “Bitter Rivals” event didn’t disappoint and I’ll admit that I left with a newfound perspective on the sport.

If you are a dedicated reader (thanks Mom) you’ll recall that I wrote about fighting last week in my discussion on judging other sports and athletes. While the gal in the full-length leopard print faux-fur coat and all of the TapOut shirts didn’t contradict any stereotypes about fight fans, after chatting with Cory “The Warrior” Vern on the morning of fight day and watching the bouts one-after-the-other, I am reformed.

1. Not Every Fight Results in Bloodshed

The only time I saw blood (from where I was sitting anyway) was during the final of 8 fights.

2. Fighters Are Not All Beefcakes

I know I should be ashamed in thinking that one needs to be tall and muscle-bound to be a fighter, but then I stood next to Cory who is a bit shorter and weighs less than I do but had no issues dropping his opponent. Go figure, maybe there’s a future for me in MMA?

3. Fights Are Full of Ritual

I grew up Catholic and I felt like I was attending a sacred mass: there was carefully chosen entrance music and a processional through the room to a dais where the fighter was then de-frocked and blessed by the High Priest with the Holy Chrism of Mixed Martial Arts before ascending to the altar that is The Octagon. Silent prayers are offered up and it begins.

4. Not All Fighters Are Loud and Aggressive

Yes, I pictured fighters as loud and obnoxious meatheads, and while there was at least one fighter who matches that description at the event on Saturday, Alderic “The Coroner” Keith and Ryan “Weapon X” Goguen both graciously responded to my comments on social media and my friend, Cory, has to be one of the quietest and most gentle guys I know.

5. It’s Not About Rage

The match between Scott MacKinnon and Mike Somerville brought a smile to my face because they both had smiles on theirs. It was a great feeling to see two athletes truly enjoy their chosen sport and you could feel the camaraderie between them.

6. It Is a Rather Quiet Sport

I don’t know why I expected to hear lots of grunting and bone crunching but I anticipated lots of noise. Each match was almost serene in a way as there were lots of quiet and still moments: I imagined the fighters to be trash-talking telepathically instead of strategizing and contemplating their next moves.

7. The Best Fighter Doesn’t Necessarily Win

The Main Event match was called a few seconds into the second round on medical advice as one of the fighters had a yucky gash on his right eyelid. The match was called in favour of the fighter whose name I won’t even mention because he doesn’t deserve it. He acted as if his strategy and strength won against his opponent and that wasn’t the case. After being declared the winner, he jumped on top of the cage and riled up the fans which I found distasteful. It would be like celebrating winning the marathon when you were the only one who ran it. In my opinion (and because this is my blog), the better athlete didn’t win the title but he showed the true spirit of the sport.

8. Fighters Aren’t That Different From Runners

I may not be able to drop someone to the ground but I learned that runners and fighters are more similar than we are different.

we take our pre-fight/race routine very seriously
we have carefully curated playlists that amp us up
meditation and solitude figure prominently
we compete as individuals where we depend on our own strengths and determination to succeed
we train for months leading up to the event, often enforcing strict nutritional guidelines on ourselves
we require better than average cardio endurance
we wear flashy outfits
we both can’t wait for competition to be over so we can enjoy a beer or two

I don’t think you’ll see me in a TapOut shirt anytime soon and you won’t find me ringside at every fight that comes to town, but I definitely checked my judgments of mixed martial arts when I left the casino that night. There was beauty in what each fighter (well, almost each fighter) accomplished in the cage. The dedication to training and mental toughness required to engage in battle with an opponent, reminded me that sport is an expression of life, (I know I’m getting philosophical on ya but it’s true.) We’ve all been called upon at some point to show our true character through strength and determination in a challenging situation.

Who knows, maybe you’re not so different from fighters, either.

Unless you’re an official, stop judging other sports and athletes

As many of you know, I’ve been through a lot of changes over the last 12 months and life is looking very different these days. I’ve received love and support from surprising sources and I’ve received judgment, too. The judgment I wasn’t as prepared for and it got me thinking about my opinions of others and myself and even of the industry I’ve chosen to work in.

As usual, I’ve picked up books on the topic and listened to countless podcast episodes on the subject and I’ve been working hard to check my judgments. I quickly realized I had to check myself or I’d wreck myself (and limit my personal and business growth). I’ve been fortunate enough to have a couple of extraordinary athletes in my network who have been challenging my preconceived ideas about their specific sports, and about the pursuit of athletic success in general.

Don’t Fight It

During my time as a human kinetics student, I was exposed to the world of sport psychology and mindset training by Terry Orlick which was quickly followed by my own first-hand experience with head injuries (long story short: I took a hockey puck to the head and suffered a concussion). Since then I have been a sometimes vocal advocate for safety in sports and 99.9% of the time I would advise another human being to avoid being punched in the head. I always wondered what ran through the mind of a fighter Until I started conversing with an amateur MMA athlete, Cory Vern.

My knee-jerk reaction was to ask him “Why the hell would you take a beating on purpose?” and to assume he grew up an aggressive and angry young man who spent all day punching things. I feel like an idiot for rushing to judge Cory based on my fears surrounding his sport: he’s revealed himself to be a thoughtful and rather sweet, dedicated dad of two who lets me pick his brain at all hours of the day and night (because I often wake up with good questions and ideas and can’t let them go). I’ve learned that fighting for him is like running for me: a peaceful quiet where you feel at your best with the world around you. Turns out he’s a pretty dedicated runner himself: as in it’s nothing for him to run 15k to save himself a cab ride.

cory vern — I’m a little intimidated to attend my first MMA event on January 26th.

Finding that we shared something in common as important to me as running, opened the door to discussing the importance of mindset and being able to focus on the goals you set for yourself. Focusing on nutrition and different fighting styles and bouncing back from a tough workout will sound familiar to any athlete, regardless of activity. I’m headed to Moncton, NB next weekend to see him in action and pick his brain on the fight night mindset needed to succeed (because he’s gonna win his match ). Cory The Warrior and I aren’t all that different, really, which made me wonder what else I was judging.

And The Wheels Keep Spinning

Recently, I commented on the Instagram post of a local athlete I had been following since I saw him race before my half-marathon in October last year. I had no idea of this guy’s story, I just knew he was paralyzed and raced a wheelchair like he stole it. We started chatting about protein pancake mixes and racing, and it ended up with him recording an interview the next day for the podcast I co-host with Melissa Kahn. (Seriously, do yourself a favour and listen to it now. Well, after you finish reading this post.)

Ben Brown was in an ATV accident 12 years ago that left him paralyzed from the chest down, but that only slowed him down. Temporarily. Within weeks of his injury, he had decided to do whatever it takes to get back out there on wheels. I thought I had a developed a pretty positive outlook and followed a strong goal-oriented path, but Ben continues to shake my perception of a positive outlook.

Insert Face Palm Here

Aside from realizing how inaccessible so much of our world is, I’ve been challenged to reflect on how ignorant I’ve been. I felt like an idiot after asking how ripped his abs must be (duh…I studied anatomy and physiology and no feeling from the chest down means no ab function. Sorry, Dr. Stothart.) I even asked if he lived alone, because I assumed he was unable to do everything himself. I completely made an ass of myself, but once we got that out of the way, I learned that a paraplegic athlete has different nutritional requirements and even the climate affects him differently. Everyday is #armday for this elite racer, and while those guns may intimidate some newbies at the gym, his dedication to clean eating and honest nutrition only increases my guilt about those Tostitos I ate earlier.

benbrownracer — Ben Brown Wheelchair Racer. Photo Courtesy of East Coast Running Photos

While there are so many differences between his racing path and my own, there are far more similarities. We each bore our family and friends with our talk of distances and interval times and training schedules. Our closets are full of more athletic wear than business wear, and we #fitnessmotivation on the regular. He finds it tricky to get groceries between work and school and training and I find it hard to train between getting groceries and teaching school. I’m just a woman trying to reach her goals and he’s just a man pushing towards his.

As a fitpreneur, it’s important to challenge the way you think about the sports and athletes outside of your niche. We’re all just pushing our limits, just in a different ring or race course.

I want to thank Cory and Ben for continuing to teach me. With each new podcast guest or person I meet at an event or race, I find myself learning something new and expanding my horizons as a runner and as a human being. Every sport has something to teach us and every athlete even more so.

You can’t make 2019 epic without this

Happy New Year!

I was at a comedy club New Year’s Eve party last night and the comedian asked us to indicate by applause whether 2018 had been good or bad, and there was no hesitation on my part to cheer for good. Sure I have experienced more stress this year than ever before (and my hair is falling out in chunks because of it), but I’ve also experienced more love, support, encouragement, and achievement this year, too. At the end of the night on the last night of the year, those are the things that meant more to me, so that’s what I’ve decided to run into 2019 with.

ResolutionRunAmyShannon

And run into 2019 I did!

Amy Leon of https://screamingintothevoid.ca/ and I met up at one of the Running Room’s Resolution Runs today in Halifax. (She and I co-lead the Worth Living Run Amabassador program where runners promote mental health awareness and share their stories of hope and healing. )

The drive from New Minas (where I live) to Halifax was snowy and slow and I wondered if I shouldn’t turn around and go back to bed, but 2018 taught me the value of doing the uncomfortable thing. I’ve used the phrase “discipline over motivation” more than a few times these last few months and today was no different. I would much rather have stayed curled up in bed but I’ve come too far and worked too hard to give up on a commitment on the first flipping day of the new year!

I kept driving (slowly) and I ran into the wind and freezing rain pellets (micro-derm abrasion anyone?) Every challenging step through the snow was a reminder that I am where I am because of my refusal to give up in any circumstance. Commitment to my goals wins out over comfort.

BUT…

I did not get to this point on my own and I can’t make 2019 epic without the amazing group of people I’ve been blessed to encounter.

The title for this post came out of a conversation with Jeff (@rundemtrails on Twitter): he changed his Twitter name to “Jeff Will Make 2019 EPIC”. In speaking with him, we chatted about how doing epic things requires setting scary goals but also having the support of a community. His Birthday Challenge on Twitter created a supportive online community of runners and it was a supportive online community that connected me with Jeff in the first place!

The most influential connection I made in 2018 who is my right hand in making epic sh*t happen is Melissa Kahn of http://www.runheiferrun.com. We somehow started chatting on Twitter about our shared experience with our respective ex-husbands and now we’re co-hosting a podcast together! She has inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and has reminded me of my inherent strength and resilience. The guests we have spoken to so far (like Jeff) have continued to expand my network of supporters and motivation.

I ran my first half marathon in 2018 and while I pounded out the miles myself, there was a run club on my side and cheerleaders all over the country who got me across that finish line.

I couldn’t have left my marriage without my family and group of friends. I borrowed my strength from them to make a complete life change. Their love and support are what have allowed me to continue to kick ass and take names.

Are you ready to make 2019 epic?

HOW TOMake 2019 epic

Are you keeping it MERRY?

Christmas is a week away and I’m sitting here by the fire on a snowy day and I’ll admit that I’m feeling rather festive. Merry, even. I know it’s busy and we’re approaching the craziest weekend of the year where last minute shoppers are driving you nuts in the stores and don’t even get me started on the drivers: so I want to know: are you keeping it MERRY this season?

Think MERRY this holiday season

Movement

Are you remembering to move everyday? Maybe it’s just a walk around the block or a 15 minute yoga practice to re-focus yourself. Exercise and movement can boost your energy, improve digestion (who else has eaten too many cookies?), and provides stress relief.

Eating

How many of those cookies did you intend to eat? Did the buffet a your office party knock you off track? It’s ok. Refocus and plan ahead next time. Eat a healthy meal before you go out to a party so hunger won’t lead you to over indulge in treats. Take a page from the Kilted Coaches, and make sure you get a high intense workout in before you decide to enjoy the dessert table. You’re less likely to overdo it if you create a plan and stick to it.

This includes alcohol, too my friends. PSA: please arrange a safe and sober ride home! If you decide to get your festive beverage on, plan ahead and set a limit and make sure you remember to hydrate with water in between rounds and afterwards.

Enjoy the flavours of the season and have fun but set your limits and stay within them.

Realistic

Be realistic and don’t take on a new challenge or new class this time of year. The weather is unpredictable and so is your schedule, so don’t expect more of yourself than what you know you can handle. I decided to run streak through December where I run a minimum of 1km a day everyday: I may not always feel like cracking out 5k but I know without a doubt I can handle 1km. Focus on maintaining your health and fitness this time of year.

Relax

With all the hustle and bustle and wrapping and partying don’t forget to plan downtime! I think so many of us come to dislike the Christmas season because we forget to enjoy it. We get sucked into the commercialism and forget to appreciate the beauty of carols sung by a choir, the excitement in our kids’ faces, and the fun of hanging out with friends and family.

Don’t feel guilty for needing to take time away from all of those friends and family, either. Sometimes we all need a few quiet moments to refocus like taking a hot bath or going to a movie by yourself.

Christmas will happen whether you baked cookies or bought them from the grocery store, so cut yourself some slack and enjoy yourself.

You

You are important enough to be a priority.

You are worthy of health and fitness.

You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

Have a happy and healthy holiday season!

Why I’m Running Everyday in December

It’s December 9th and it’s about -7 degrees Celsius (about 20 degrees Fahrenheit for my American readers) and I just got back from a frosty 5k scoot around the neighbourhood. Now why the heck would I choose to bundle up and hit the snow-covered sidewalk when I could’ve joined my father by the fire for another Hallmark Christmas movie?

Hershey’s Kisses. Yup. Those little assholes hop into my shopping cart every dang time I go through the checkout and I need to do something to counteract their effects.
Keep it on the rails. Life can get chaotic this time for year for many of us and my life is no exception. I decided to run at least 1km every day this month because I need to have a goal to keep me focused on moving forward. Craziness pops up, but I know I’m on track when I start running.
Running is my therapy. I still check in with an actual human therapist regularly, but there’s nothing quite like lacing up and working up a sweat to clear the mind and process what’s been swimming around upstairs.
Maintain. I worked hard this summer/fall to get to half marathon ability and it would be a shame to let it waste away. I’m respecting the hours I spent preparing by maintaining a certain level of fitness.
Excuses are bullshit. It’s true and you know it. Deep down you know you’re full of crap when you say you don’t have time. One kilometre? What’s that? Maybe 6 minutes out of a day? I’m not immune to fooling myself with excuses of being too busy or it being too cold, but it’s really tough to argue against one single kilometre.
Because I can. I have the privilege of being able to put one foot in front of the other and I’m going to appreciate it. I’m grateful for every single step I take and each run is an act of gratitude this month.
Setting the stage for 2019. I don’t make resolutions but I set the hell out of many goals every year and all year. Ending the year on a note of achievement and commitment to getting something done makes working towards my big goals for 2019 that much easier to launch.

So, even though December is well under way, that doesn’t mean you can’t set a mini-challenge for yourself and start it now. You have three weeks to end 2018 on a high note and ring in 2019 with a victory!

I’d love to hear what you’ve decided to challenge yourself with for the rest of the month: shannon@merakieventplanning.com or find me on

Twitter @MerakiEventPlan

or

Instagram @merakieventplanning

It’s time to get real, fit pros!

As fitness professionals we’re often held to higher standards than the clients we serve. We’re expected to run faster, lift heavier weight, eat healthier, drink more water, and look fitter (whatever that even means). These expectations hit us everyday while scrolling through social media, flipping through magazines and watching tv. They hit us with pressures we often brush aside and ignore. Until we can’t ignore them any longer.

Take a moment right now to do an inventory of the fitness-related pressures you resist on a regular basis. What are they? A few I can admit to are the expectation to fit into a certain size, to run a certain pace, and to avoid all sugar and carbs. How about the pressure to have mastered it all including power lifting, rope climbing, supplements, and even how to gracefully extract myself from a sports bra. Are you kidding me? I have a kinesiology degree but I graduated 20 years ago. I do my best to stay on top of new research and trends but we can’t be experts at CrossFit and yoga and running and jiu jitsu.

We cannot do it all.

We cannot be everything to everyone. We cannot be masters of all to our clients and families and the media. We can’t meet all of the demands placed on us. No one can.

It’s time for me to get honest with you: there are days when I don’t have the motivation to do my workouts or stick to my clean eating plan. I’ve recently posted how discipline wins out over motivation because I’m lacking motivation right now. Anyone else struggle at this time of year? It’s cold and snowy and dark so friggin’ early. All I want to do is curl up in my fuzzy pants and an old hoodie with Netflix and hibernate.

I’ve battled against myself, within myself, for as long as I can remember. Some days are better than others and I’m proud that I haven’t had a relapse into serious depression for almost a decade, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fight. I take meds on a daily basis and I’ve come to depend on a regimen of vitamins, breathing exercises, balanced diet and exercise to keep myself afloat.

I work hard, even though it doesn’t show on the outside, to stay positive and I’ve adopted a growth mindset where I focus on moving forward with a bright outlook. I make lemonade out of lemons because lemons are a fact of life for all of us. Even fitness professionals who can run fast and lift heavy.

I lift weights at home even when I feel like it’s the last thing I want to do. I head to the gym for a deadmill run when the sidewalks are too icy. I sip water instead of a third cup of coffee and eat kale salad instead of mashed potatoes. I make these little decisions because I know I’ll feel better on the other side.

We are role models more often than you may think. Our clients are looking to us to set the example, and it’s time for us to be real in the image we project. Eat clean and drink water and sweat it out, but don’t forget to share your story. Share your struggles and get real and honest. We don’t walk around airbrushed and most of us don’t have 8 hours a day to train with a team of makeup artists, stylists, and coaches guiding our every move.

So, while the world may hold you to a higher standard, I don’t. I know there are so many incredibly fit and inspirational people out there who are struggling right now. I know you’re doing the best you can and you deserve to cut yourself some slack and acknowledge that you’re a human being experiencing life like anyone else. Create a plan to keep yourself healthy and reach out when you need to. You are always there for your clients but it’s important to know that you are not alone.

The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention website has a list of resources by province.

Please take care of yourself.

www.suicideprevention.ca

The Secret to Success is Pretty Simple

“Never decide the outcome of a race at any point during the race…just keep going”.

Triathlete, Kathryn MacKinnon, hit me hard with this quote during a Queen Pins Halifax fundraising event I attended last Thursday. I keep repeating it to myself and coming back to how important it is because this rings so true for all aspects of life. I’m a runner and have known all too well the temptation to slow down or take a break or give in to the little voice that says it’s ok to not do your best today.

Throughout my encounters with depression and anxiety, I learned to coach myself and remind myself to put one foot in front of the other and to just keep going. After losing a baby to a missed miscarriage, when the world felt dark and I felt betrayed by my own body, with a family counting on me to show up for life everyday, and all I could do to cope was to just keep going one step at a time.

That’s what I did. I kept going. I didn’t know how I was going to finish in my 21.2k race and I didn’t know if I’d get through the darkness or if I’d have a healthy pregnancy again. But I finished and I made it through another pregnancy. I’m making it through and isn’t that what all of us are really doing?

So, here’s the secret in case you haven’t already figured it out:

just keep going.

Yup. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. Isn’t that how any of us accomplish anything? We set a goal, make a plan, and just keep going. Nothing groundbreaking about it. As adults, as parents, as athletes, as entrepreneurs: we are figuring things out one day at a time, but we just keep going.

I recorded a teaser episode of Run For Your Life with Melissa Kahn last night, and we decided I was the tech savvy half of the duo so I needed to figure out how to upload our episode and create an RSS feed and get it submitted to iTunes. Ummmmm wtf do I know about this stuff? Nothing!

Well…I knew nothing last night but here I am 12 hours later doing my happy dance (picture something cross between a jig and a shimmy) because after a helpful video link posted by a fellow queen pin entrepreneur and following the twists and turns of online support I FIGURED IT OUT!!!! I just kept going. I didn’t know if I’d have to hire a student to figure it out or if we’d have to pay for some service to straighten it out, but I didn’t let that potential outcome stop me from taking one step then another then another.

I always keep going. I think it’s all I know how to do, honestly.

During my half marathon I actually told myself to just keep going. Hell, I even got a tattoo of mountains to constantly remind myself to keep climbing. I had to stop to pee around the 5k mark of that race and I could have decided to abandon my goal time but I looked at my tattoo, talked to myself a little, and put one foot in front of the other. I did what we all do: I just kept going.

I don’t know exactly where my business is going to end up and I’m excited about the possibilities that allows for. I don’t know where my running career will go, but I know that I’m going to keep running and that’s all that matters. I don’t know what’s coming next but I’m confident I can handle it because look at everything I’ve done so far! Everyday I get up and show up.

Today happens to be Women’s Entrepreneurship Day, and my message applies to all entrepreneurs regardless of gender, but I need to shout out to my boss babes to just keep going. Some of you are mothers and wives and that stuff is hard. Some of you are working a full-time job in addition to your business and that’s not easy. All of you are busting your butts to make your dreams a reality and that’s some magical sh*t right there.

Just keep going.

Entrepreneurs and athletes: Are you a lone wolf or part of a pack?

My wolf pants from Nominou Designs are my favourite pants in the world. I feel good when I wear them and I’ve come to identify with the wolf too…especially when I had one eye me up this afternoon at a wildlife park. The arctic wolf was pacing back and forth in her enclosure (I assumed she was a she) and she came closer when I said she was beautiful. I looked her in the eyes and saw a lot of myself reflected back.

The kids fell asleep so I reflected on the drive home and thought about the wonderful world of fitness and entrepreneurship and how it can sometimes be lonely even in a team setting. A friend yesterday asked if I ever felt alone in a crowded room and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

I can remember telling my mom how lonely it was running one of my first races back in 2014 but now even as a member of a rather large run club, I prefer to run alone. I don’t workout with a partner, because I tune into my playlist and tune out the gym. I am a sole proprietor because my business is my passion and my dreams are mine. I don’t play team sports, but I can be a team player.

Am I a lone wolf?

Starting and growing a business can be lonely because even though we’re fueled by our passion and area of expertise there’s soooooooooooo much we have to figure out on our own and it’s comforting to find out we’re not the only one! Whenever I have the opportunity to connect with other entrepreneurs, sole proprietors especially, I feel that rush of relief like “Hallelujah! Someone who knows what I’m going through!” (Kind of like when moms get together for girls night.)

I have encountered some truly social runners who chat away the whole route and trod merrily along whereas I identify with the runner who pops the earbuds in and turns up the upbeat playlist and prefers to knock out the miles in solitude. (I’ll meet you at the cooldown and chat at the pub, mmkay?) Neither one is better than other, they are just two ways of doing it.

I am the only one working my business. I am the only logging kilometres.

Does that mean I’m lonely in this fitpreneurship journey?

Not anymore! I think I was when my running journey started and when my business was brand new. I felt like I had to go it alone and figure it all out by myself. Yes, I’m a lone wolf but now I’m also part of a pack! I’m fully aware I’m not really a wolf so it works that I’m both!

I don’t believe we can truly succeed on our own as entrepreneurs even though we as individuals are the ones who drive things forward. Even athletes in solo sports have coaches and don’t win medals all by themselves. You cannot know it all and you cannot do it all by yourself. There’s no way a personal trainer can be an expert at CrossFit and running and barre and nutrition. A health entrepreneur cannot be an expert at medicine and accounting and marketing and the law. Just not possible. Even lone wolves need a pack.

Be a pack leader.

Lead the pack you choose to gather around you! Your vision guides your performance in business and life but you never have to go it alone.

Even as the one in charge, you can’t have it together all the time.

As I’m sitting at the kitchen counter trying to type this out my kids are being animals. This is my circus and those are my monkeys kinda animals. When I’m trying to focus I like calm and it’s not calm in here. At all. The song “Grapevine” by Tiesto is on Spotify right now and “just about to lose my mind” is throbbing in my head right now.

I moonlight as a substitute teacher and we had a province wide conference day yesterday and I attended some wonderful sessions on depression and stress by Dr. Daniel Chorney and one thing he mentioned screamed at me like my 5 year old is right now.

Being relaxed in a stressful situation is abnormal.

Why did this smack me right in the kisser?

Because I feel the need to put on a brave face and project this idea that I’m cool and calm and chill all the flipping time. After all, I chose to leave my marriage and move back to Nova Scotia so who am I to feel a little shook right now?

I need to stop thinking I must have it all together all the time. Guess what? You don’t either!

The reading I’ve been doing and the people I’ve been connecting with this week have reminded me that even I deserve to be cut some slack. Crazy realization, I know but I have a feeling other entrepreneurs and fitness fanatics and goal diggers may be in need of the same advice.

You don’t have to have all the answers.

It’s ok to lose your shit for a moment.

Acknowledge the shit storm going on around you and breathe for a freakin’ minute.

I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m a mom who’s trying to provide a safe and secure environment for my kids in the midst of a divorce. I’m a 40 year old woman who’s trying to leave one chapter behind and step into a new one while the past keeps hunting me down. I’m an entrepreneur with a penchant for perfection, which I know is crazy and unrealistic but my attention to detail makes me good at my job. I’m a friend trying to maintain connections and strengthen relationships with people all over the country.

I’m a woman entering a new phase of my life and I just want to keep moving forward (I say that a lot, don’t I?) I’m working to be a better runner. A stronger person. A more flexible yogi. And I don’t have it all figured out and neither should you.

We are works in progress and sometimes life takes over. But don’t let it stay in control. Sit in it for a moment. Breathe. Then shake that shit off and move on. You are working towards bigger and better things and it’s ok to not be cool and calm or chill.

12 weeks ago I started something that turned out to be life changing.

It’s over. My 12 week Everlean program with the Kilted Coaches is over. The last three months have been a few of the hardest yet most fulfilling of my life and I feel like I’ve got control of my health and fitness in a whole new way. This post might be all over the place but I’m kinda overwhelmed by the transformation I’ve experienced since July 30th, so bear with me.

First off, I didn’t really lose weight. In fact I’ve held steady at 150.0lbs for 10 weeks now. It’s kinda funny but the fact that I’ve maintained tells me I’m clued in to the balance between fitness and nutrition that I need to not put any weight back on (when I moved home in May I was 10lbs heavier). So what changed?

Water

I am actually drinking water. As in 2.5 litres of the unflavoured stuff every single freakin’ day. That in itself is a game changer for me. My coffee intake has decreased and I usually stop at one pint when I’m indulging in the good stuff.

Protein

I’m aware of what protein sources I’m consuming throughout the day and I’m making an effort to get more. I don’t think I’m at the goal of 150g a day yet but I’m headed in the right direction.

Carbs

My relationship with carbs probably is my most challenging one. I love cake and bread and all things homemade, but I’ve made the choice to feel better and make better choices so Rab and Stephen have decreed that I shall not indulge in my love affair with carbs until after I’ve sweat my ass off. When a strong dude in a kilt talks, I’m inclined to listen.

Workouts

I’ve been a fan of fitness for years and running has been my main jam. I completed my first half marathon during the last 12 weeks but I’ve also rediscovered my love of strength. I’ve recommitted to getting my pump on and dedicating workouts a week to strength training. I was at the gym yesterday and HELL YES I was admiring my improved muscle tone while doing my bicep curls and shoulder presses. I’m earning that definition with every repetition, baby!

Here’s the really awesome part:

The results YOU can’t see are what matter most to me

The Coaches had us take weekly progress photos and while the changes won’t appear to be dramatic to you, they mean the world to me.

I know my legs are stronger. I powered up every hill on my 9k route this evening without pausing for a second and I am still reveling in the joy of crossing that finish line. I don’t care how sick you may be of hearing about it: I freaking well ran 21.1k with a smile on my face! That’s not nothing.

I know my upper body is stronger. I see it when I face the mirror at the gym and in my bathroom. Yes, I flex for myself because why the hell not? My next workout I know I can increase my weight because I’m stronger than I was two weeks ago.

My clothes feel better. I bought a medium sized tshirt a few years ago and it didn’t fit until now! I don’t rush home to get out of my skinny jeans anymore. I like the way I look in my running tights these days and that leads to another change I’m experiencing:

I like myself more.

That doesn’t rest solely with the influence of the Coaches, but I’ve been doing the work in all aspects of my life to get to this point. I left a situation that was suffocating my soul. I pushed myself to realize new goals. I’m surrounding myself with people who support me and lift me up and encourage me to keep moving forward. I’m acknowledging the areas that need improvement and I’m tackling them head on.

I’m learning to accept compliments without qualifying them or brushing them off. I’m prioritizing my need for time out even when the world disagrees. I’m making better choices in my nutrition because I know it’s worth it to feel healthy and clean. I’m choosing to spend time with people who I believe are truly good people. I’m fearing less and taking on new projects.

The Kilted Coaches sent me a mindset lesson each week and they really helped focus my headspace for the week. I’m a #goaldigger for life so setting goals and getting clear on them is one of my talents, but they taught me the biggest lesson of this whole experience:

I’m a good person with something to offer the world and it’s ok to cut myself some slack.

I had a bad day and posted about it in the Clan site and within the hour my favourite Scottish lads were on the phone to coach me back to reality. They know about my divorce and my running and could see the tears in my eyes as I tried to explain what was going on. They told me that even I am allowed to have a bad day, and that doesn’t mean I’m unable to get back on track and keep making progress. They told me to dry my eyes and take an evening for myself. Stephen and Rab taught me that slowing down and taking a breath isn’t going off plan: it’s PART of the plan. Just like a runner needs a rest day and your muscles need to recover from a workout, your heart and mind need to take a break to keep growing, too.

I feel like I’m getting to know the new me and thanks to two personal trainers from across the Atlantic, I was reminded that when people see something good in you: believe them.