My 9 year old daughter, Aurelia, recently came to be with tears in her eyes complaining of sore legs. This has happened a few times in the last year and we figure it’s growing pains because she’s been outgrowing pants like crazy. When reminded of this, she said “Growing hurts, Mom!”

Ain’t that the truth, though?

 

Growth is uncomfortable. Even painful at times. But it’s necessary if you want to get where you’re going.

I’ve been working on the Keji Multisport Festival and Triathlon again this year, and I’ve been following the training of our badass group of ambassadors: women chosen to represent the event and share their training journey and event experience with the world. I hadn’t seen much from one of our athletes so I set up a lunch meeting to have a chat face-to-face.

I was excited when Shannon chose my favourite craft brewery for lunch (love you Schoolhouse Brewery!) and I had been connected with her on social media for ayear or so and had yet to meet, so yay for beer lunches and new friends!

We chatted about mutual friends and motherhood and ultimately how training for a triathlon is an intimidating undertaking. You don’t need to tell me that: the swimming part alone freaks me out! The world of swimming then biking then running is new to Shannon and watching some of the other ambassadors posting their training progress was discouraging to her. Keep in mind that a group of these women are NOT new to triathlons. Yet here she was falling prey to comparing her ability to theirs.

It wasn’t Shannon’s ability that was the issue at all…it was the perception that she needed to have expertise to have a story worth sharing.

Think about it for a second…how many times have to tried something new and put pressure on yourself to master it right away?

This is where growth hurts.

It hurts to feel out of your element.

It hurts to feel like the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on.

It hurts to not be performing at peak levels.

But this is where growth happens!

The folks I know who live and work in the fitness and wellness space are keen on self-improvement and on pushing their limits. We’re not content with the status quo and I honestly have a hard time understanding when someone is satisfied with the same old, day in day out. I thrive on setting new goals and reaching new heights.

We choose to embrace the discomfort that comes with growing. We wake up and go. We get finished work and decide that even though sitting in front of Netflix with a glass of wine sounds wonderful, we lace up and hit the road instead. We take on the fear of swimming and get wet anyway. WE CHOOSE TO GROW.

Shannon, my friend, you are growing.

And because Shannon’s choosing to grow, her kids will learn from her. The community around her is growing. Her choice to embrace the pain of learning how to transition from swimming to cycling and from cycling to running is teaching other women that it’s okay to make time for yourself. It’s teaching us all that maybe even we can take on something a little (or a lot) scary.

In our conversation, Shannon mentioned how she had heard Rachel Hollis mention the importance of pushing yourself physically, and I couldn’t agree more. Those last few kilometres of every long run are the hardest, most painful, and most liberating! Every training session is a celebration of your ability. An expression of gratitude for the freedom to move. A reminder that growth hurts, but it hurts so good.

 

 

So, when Aurelia comes to me in discomfort with growing pains, I give her a big hug and remind her that I want her to grow and part of that growth means she’ll feel uncomfortable sometimes.

Drink some water and stretch, I offer, but never stop growing. 

 

Sometimes you need to turn things around and try something different, so today I checked out 360fit in Dartmouth. I’ve been pretty focused on my running and have been neglecting strength training, which motivated me to book a session with my friend Coach Laura Albert and have her introduce me to the basics of lifting.

When I say I’ve neglected strength training, I mean I haven’t done much more than an occasional bicep curl in the last 8 months. I’m a tad embarrassed but I’m owning up to it and acknowledging that I need strength to be fit and to be a better runner so here goes…

After a warm-up on the rower and some girl talk (I haven’t seen Laura in two years so we had some catching up to do) we got started with the squat, then the bench press and finished off with the basics of the deadlift. Now, just because I studied kinesiology and have my personal trainer certification doesn’t mean I’m confident enough to consider myself an expert in strength training. It’s better to ask for help and get it right, than to try to figure it out on your own and get it wrong.

I pride myself on having good posture and knowing how to hinge at the hip properly, so it was reassuring to know I wasn’t getting everything about lifting wrong.  I’m a good breather, and while that sounds ridiculous to many, proper breathing during strength training is as important as it is during running or yoga. Laura observed my biomechanics from every angle (well, it’s not called 360fit for nothin’) and with some minor fixes and spot-on cuing, I felt a significant difference from any other strength training session I’ve had in the past. (I learned that my foot position and placement on the floor during the squat was all wrong and no one had ever taught me to press my legs/feet into the floor when doing a bench press!)

As a runner with a lazy ass, glute activation is a big deal for me and engaging the core (did you read my last post about my upcoming surgery?) is critical. It’s going to take a little practice to get my lats and core and glutes to work together without consciously whispering that little checklist to myself (tripod feet, set my lats, brace my core, hinge at hips…).

We focused on three exercises in our hour session, and it was time well spent. Working with Laura helped reduce the intimidation factor of going to my local gym and lifting by myself. Yes, I get intimidated! Plop me on the treadmill and I’ll kick its ass, but plunk me in front of some weights and I’m praying no buff dude focused on making gains or getting swole watches what I’m doing in the mirror!

I feel ready to get my lift on at the gym next non-run day and today was a good reminder that sometimes, even a trainer needs to be trained. Heck, even Laura admitted that she takes video of her own lifts so she can analyse her technique. I’m not as strong as I want to be, but I took the first step to getting there.

Thank you to Coach Laura and the awesome staff at 360 Fit High Intensity Fitness in Dartmouth for the great morning! #dontfighttheawesome

 

My runs this week have been governed by my uterus. That little internal nest has been the focus of the last 4 days and inspired this post (obviously).

I don’t think I was aware I even had a uterus until Grade 4 when I read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. While it remained silent for a few years after that, the weight of what my uterus held in store for me sat at the back of my mind. Once I had my first period (like why in the hell did I ever want that day to arrive?) I knew I was locked into a decades-long dysfunctional relationship.

Why the hell am I writing about this? What does it have to do with fitness and wellness? Well…as far as I’m aware all (except in rare cases) women have a uterus and all men know at least one person who have a uterus. I find there is so much mystery and silence surrounding gyno matters and I need to be able to talk about things openly to process them. If you run a gym or train clients or are a healthcare provider, chances are you will encounter a human being in possession of a uterus so get used to it.

My body has let me down again and I’m facing a hysterectomy in the near future and I’m going to need some support and encouragement. My uterus let me down in 2012 when I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and I discovered how miscarriage is shrouded in secrecy and silence. I had to go searching for support so I’m using this platform to open the discussion or at least enhance understanding of what some women are experiencing.

Over the last year, I noticed bleeding after intense activity and my family doctor informed me I had a friable (Merriam Webster defines it as “easily crumbled or pulverized”) cervix. An ultrasound showed nothing. My pap test was clear. A colposcopy with biopsies and swabs came back clear. So what the eff is going on?

Well, your guess is as good as mine, but my miscarriage taught me that there’s not always an answer to “why?” So, my body is betraying me again and I have to plot my course through this bitch of a stormy sea. The biggest concern aside from the potential of a future prolapse (look it up, dudes…and ladies: do your Kegels STAT!) is how am I going to cope with the 4-6 NO RUN recovery period?

That’s right…I’m about to have my cervix and uterus removed and I’m wondering about my running! I’m on a training schedule which has me run Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturdays and this week has been all screwed up! Monday’s run was cancelled (my gynecologist surprised me with a uterine biopsy) so I ran on Tuesday instead which was a mistake. I felt like I had been kicked in the vagina, and kicked hard. I skipped Wednesday and am feeling like I’m myself again today (Thursday) after making it through a 5k without discomfort.

I am my best self when I’m running. It may not be fitness for everyone, but we all have something that makes us feel like a better version of ourselves and when that’s interrupted or restricted, it can seriously mess with your mojo. I have heard trainers and coaches say to take an ibuprofen and push through it, but after feeling that uncomfortable heaviness and ache for the last few days, I know I can’t push through my post-surgical recovery. So how the hell am I going to cope?

This is where I’m at folks.

I made the mistake of Googling “hysterectomy” and just freaked myself out with potential complications and the actual how of removing my inner goods so I ‘m choosing to focus on strengthening myself mentally and emotionally. I don’t even have a date for my surgery yet (don’t even get me started on the current state of our health care system), but I know myself well enough to know I’m gonna have more difficulty coping with not being able to run the roads than with any physical pain.

IDGAF if some troll thinks this is TMI, you’re all gonna hear about all of it over the coming months…join me as I get ready to lose the organs that have allowed me to bring life into this world and as I get ready not to lose my mind doing so.

 

 

 

I’ll spare you the details of my adventures in online dating as a 41 year old soon-to-be-divorced mompreneur, but I am finding love on the internet.

I love Facebook memories because they free up space in my brain and remind me of special anniversaries, like the one where I connected with my podcast co-host Melissa. I followed her Run, Heifer, Run accounts for ages when she reached out to me about our similar marital woes and it was love at first DM. In the past 12 months, Mel and I have shared our stories of hurt and healing, of anxiety and accomplishment, and we’ve managed to publish 32 episodes of our podcast, Run For Your Life. She reached out to me when I felt alone and judged. She keeps me moving forward, reminding me that there’s peace in every step we take towards a better life.

She was meant to enter my life and because of our friendship, I’ve been lucky enough to keep the love growing: I receive regular check-ins from her lovely fiance, who is one of my biggest fans. I’ve found support and encouragement in corners of Kentucky, the streets of Ohio, the forests of Vancouver Island, the and even as far away as New Zealand.

Yes, I know having local friends is important, and I have those folks, too, but the love I’ve found on the interwebs via Twitter and Instagram and Facebook is more satisfying than any date I’ve been on recently.

I have a support system I can go to when I need feedback on my running, my business, parenting, dating, and coping with anxiety. I have people in my life whose social media updates remind me that life is worth living and trails are worth running.

As an entrepreneur (and single mom) it can get lonely sometimes, yet having this global network of kind souls who let me be honest and real has been a true gift. I feel like my life and my business are moving forward with direction. Each interaction lifts me higher and propels me further and is growing proof that you can find true love online.  

 

 

I’ve had lots of ideas come to me while I’m driving in the car or when I wake up in the middle of the night but I haven’t been able to sit down and type them out for you. It’s not that I have nothing to say: it’s actually more a case of having too much to say and no clue where to even begin.

I find it difficult to know where to express myself appropriately. Is this idea best suited for my blog or for the podcast (which I co-host with Melissa Kahn in case you didn’t know…check it out Run For Your Life Podcast)? Or is it more for the Worth Living blog I contribute to? Or do I need to save it for a book or a public speaking presentation? Maybe you are starting to see why it’s been tricky to sit down and type it out here.

 

 

As a fitness professional I never really considered myself a creative person. As an entrepreneur I’m learning to embrace this notion of being a creative. After all, I do create: events, social media posts, press releases, blog content, podcast episodes.

I create opportunities for other businesses to grow and reach new clients. I create experiences that allow people to challenge themselves or learn something or see themselves in a new way. I create moments that inspire and motivate.

So do you.

You create opportunities for your clients to discover their strength and speed and to find better health. You create an environment that allows your clients to feel safe enough to push their limits. You create a community of support for people learning and growing. You create the moments where others can change how they see themselves and how they think about things. You create the opportunities where people change their lives.

 

 

 

 

Today was my first run in a week. And it was only 2.5k. For some this is an accomplishment, but for me, this is a hard pill to swallow. My run club is full of elite runners who challenge me to improve, but even their standards can’t compete with the one I set for myself.

I have been having issues with my right leg the last few weeks and then I came down the cold to beat all colds, so today’s run was a tough workout. So, it was a week…that’s only seven days, right? Seven days where I felt myself starting to get dizzy and fade away. It happened so quickly this time, it took me by surprise. That sounds dramatic, I know, and I’m prone to waxing poetic but today reinforced that running has become the glue that keeps my life together. Running for me is about more than exercise. It’s about survival.

I’ve battled anxiety and have fought off depression several times in my life and running has become a key part of my treatment plan. I realized that this past week is the longest I’ve gone without running in almost an entire year. And it’s been one hell of a year to say the least, (moving across the country, leaving my marriage, establishing a new normal…creating a new life.)

When my running is on track, I feel confident and strong and capable. When my running started to slip, I felt like the rest of me was melting away like something in a Dali painting. I’ve noticed my hydration goals waiver and my commitment to balanced nutrition faded into the background. I felt foggy and lost and so unlike the best version of myself. I was her only a month ago! Where the hell did she disappear to so quickly?

This is what depression and anxiety to do my life. They sneak up on me and chip away at all of the progress I’ve made. First, my confidence as a runner is shaken, then my worth as a mother and entrepreneur and friend. I find myself questioning my decisions but lacking the energy to get back on track. I know better, I really do but it’s like that logical part of my reasoning is locked in a cage and left to scream in solitude.

I know I am not alone. My work as a Worth Living Run Ambassador has taught me there is strength in sharing your story openly. When someone else takes a moment from their struggle to encourage me through mine, I’m reminded that I’ve got an army of cheerleaders behind me.  My work as podcast co-host has allowed me to connect with people who have overcome obstacles and to learn from their experiences. I know I am not alone but this challenge is all mine.

I had a Twitter friend sternly tell me to get out for a run today and I needed to take the first step. I need to recommit to drinking my water and eating my vegetables and moving my ass. I’ll recommit as many times as necessary because there’s too much inside me that needs to get out into the world for me to back down from a tough time.

I know not everyone understands why I run and some of you may even think the fact that I need it is unhealthy. I need running like I need my medication. I’ve been through this cycle enough to know what works and what doesn’t and I’m embarrassed that I slipped, but I’m putting myself out here for everyone to see so I can step out from under the shadow of shame that my mind sometimes casts.

I’m not sure why this half-marathon training journey is off to such a shaky start when my experience last time felt almost effortless. I don’t know why my body and mind are at odds with each other, but I’m going to keep moving forward. I will cross that finish line in June come hell or high water. I will do the work like my life depends on it, because it kinda does.

Well…sorta.

We’ve all seen the lists of top influencers and we know they’re all pretty subjective and this one if no different. I’ve chosen the folks on this list because of the impact I think they have on the world (my world, especially) and because I believe they’ll have an influence on yours too!

 

Melissa Kahn (www.runheiferrun.com)

I have yet to meet this lady face-to-face but she’s become one of the most influential people in my life over the last 10 months. She has created a worldwide community of supportive people who encourage each other through running and life, and I’m so blessed to be co-hosting the Run For Your Life podcast with her. She’s the one I message when anxiety sets in or I’m celebrating a win and it’s amazing how connected you can become to someone through Twitter. She’s an inspiration because of her past but also because she lovingly supports those around her to reach for new heights and her sense of humour is second to none!

 

Lindsay Umlah (Loving Myself Loudly)

If you are not following this fabulous womyn on Instagram yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Sometimes we need permission from the outside world to love ourselves and this is what Lindsay is all about! She recently launched a podcast called The Momgasm Podcast which addresses sexuality after motherhood, but don’t you agree we could all use a LOT more self-love (in whatever form that takes?)

 

Emma Burgess (www.emmainflow.com)

I’m not even sure exactly how I started following Emma on Facebook but her daily live videos caught my attention. Her focus is on helping women love themselves and if that ends up in her clients finding fulfilling relationships, then bonus! Every time I hear her speak I find myself having A-HA moments and even those of you already in amazing relationships with amazing men deserve to check her out and build an amazing relationship with yourself.

 

Mia Lockhart (www.girlsonboards.co)

Although Mia and I live in the same area, we hadn’t met until recently. She is the founder of Girls on Boards, which provides teenage girls with the opportunity to develop leadership skills and confidence through stand up paddle boarding and snowboarding excursions. I was privileged enough to work with her in producing a recent women’s snowboarding event and I witnessed first-hand the magic that happens when women build each other up. Mia fosters a safe environment for girls and women to try new things and develop a new awareness of what our bodies are beautifully capable of achieving. She’s also a yoga teacher and amazing massage therapist (my running body is grateful for her expertise!)

Jill Payne (www.jillpayne.ca)

Are you a dime? Not even sure what that means? You definitely need to check out Jill on social media and get a dose of her philosophy on living life at a 10. I attended on her energy management workshops as a birthday gift to myself two years ago and I haven’t been the same. I’m a strong believer in the fact that we all have a choice in how we show up in our lives and working with Jill has taught me that the ability to change the direction of my day is always one choice away. I get asked how I’m handling my divorce so well, and it’s without doubt because I choose to handle it so well. Jill has shown me that all I need is within me and you deserve to take one of her programs!

Mel Robbins (www.melrobbins.com)

I have yet to meet this fierce woman in person but she has replied to two of my tweets so close enough, right? It was actually Jill Payne who introduced me to the 5 Second Rule and I now have a 5-4-3-2-1 sign next to my bed as reminder to just do. Her books and online course have renewed my confidence in myself to make decisions and to be able to face any challenge sent my way. Being an entrepreneur and a soon-to-be divorced mom of two, those challenges are plentiful and often fraught with anxiety. As a lifelong anxious person (more anxious than average) the strategies Mel discusses have helped me take on public speaking, pursuing a divorce, and starting a podcast.

Dr. Jen Gunter (@DrJenGunter on Twitter)

I have never trusted Gwyneth Paltrow to be an authority on health so when I came across Dr. Gunter’s “attack” on GOOP, I was enthusiastically on board as a follower. Dr. Gunter is a gynecologist who disputes trends (vaginal steaming and inserting jade eggs into your vagina)  and she is vocal and opinionated and empowering AF! She’s made posts detailing how much vaginal discharge is normal and describing what a “normal” vagina should smell like. TMI? I don’t care because there are so many girls and women who have no idea just how normal they are because of the foolishness we’ve been spoon-fed all of our lives. Go check her out and you might learn something new about yourself.

Kathy Johnston-Isenor (www.fitnessjunkiesns.com)

The impact this amazing woman has on people reaches far beyond the walls of the facility where she holds her bootcamp classes. I met her four years ago at a boxing based bootcamp class as her energy radiated across the room and climbed into my very soul. That sounds poetically profound but once you interact with her, you’ll never be the same. I’ve seen her motivate men and women and children to reach new heights and I’ve borrowed strength from her more times that I can count. Kathy encourages us all to find our power and celebrate that strength and each International Women’s Day, I have the privilege of helping her host an event that calls on each of us to acknowledge our abilities and to own them with grace.

Eleanor Beaton (www.eleanorbeaton.com)

I’ve known this fierce female since I was 15 but she reappeared in my life about 5 years ago as my business coach and helped me change my focus and start moving my business and my life in a new direction. She works to help female entrepreneurs and business leaders to take their place at the top where we belong. She showed up at one of my fitness events and showed she’s not only a force in the boardroom but on the trails as well! I am motivated to follow her example everyday and you owe it to yourself to tune in to what she’s saying in her podcast and workshops.

 

It was difficult trying to narrow down the inspiring women I follow, otherwise this post would go on for days!

I invite you to celebrate the amazing women in your life this International Women’s Day. Acknowledge them publicly and share the love for our hardworking sisters and mothers and daughters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy almost Valentine’s Day, readers! Today’s post is all about love. If you’ve been lucky enough to find it, you’ll know what I mean when I say it makes you feel glad to be alive and you just want to shout it from the hilltops or rooftops or whatever one does when in love. I was lucky enough to witness the love today so of course I cannot wait to tell you all about it!

I volunteered to help out with the Greenwood Multisport Club’s Splash n Dash this morning and we had a few adults and several kids(all under 12) show up to participate in the swim/run event. As a fitness event planner, I make a living off seeing people of all ages challenge themselves physically and I enjoy being able to help events like this happen. I found love at the indoor track this morning but the love I witnessed today had nothing to do with me.

The Under 9 speed demons were the last ones to run the track and as they lined up, I was assigned to recording the lap times for a lovely little athlete named Maria with a fitness centre staff, Eric. Maria made it to her sixth (of 8) lap and stopped. We cheered her on but she wasn’t moving. The other kids kept going, a few slowed down but they were all on the move. My colleague ran out to meet her and before you know it, she was walking the rest of her lap. He wrote down her lap time as they went by, but he kept moving and so did she. He stayed by her side until she had decided she could finish on her own. He didn’t know her before that race, but he refused to let her give up.

I am so grateful I witnessed that this morning because that right there is love. Love of appreciating how important pushing yourself through that tough stretch is. Love of growing sport by encouraging young athletes to experience it. Love of what you’re doing so much that you’ll coach a struggling stranger across the finish line without a second thought.

When people in love with sport spread that love like Eric did this morning, new athletes with a passion for health and fitness emerge, and isn’t that why we’re in this business to begin with? Get out there and spread the love!